I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
