U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
