ya dads aren't the best wingmen
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
