Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
