38 yer olds are good kisserssss
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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