wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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