if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Your dad touched me again.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
