I cockslap morals
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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