i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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