Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
