i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
