I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
