Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Randomize
