Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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