I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
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