Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
