I feel like I'm in dance class right now
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
