dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
