last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
