She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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