i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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