I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
