After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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