I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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