Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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