words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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