Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
My vagina just clenched in fear
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
