Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
