it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
