he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
