My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
