she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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