I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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