Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
