i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
