mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
