The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
