Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
