sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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