Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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