Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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