i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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