grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
