HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
