We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
In America we eat man semen.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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