Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
