i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
