Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
