It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
