3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
