i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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